Actually they often are intentionally silly:

“Happy birthday from the cat! I put a dead mouse on your pillow and a hairball in your shoe! Have a day full of fun surprises!”

“Merry Christmas from the dog! I was going to bring you some mistletoe but I accidentally ate it. So I barfed it up on the carpet. Might eat it again later.”

Taking micro doses of what you’re allergic to can cure your allergies! Why not try taking a little meth, and then increasing the amount day by day?

This, but in case you didn’t know, there’s quite a few commercially made “Happy (whatever)day From The Cat/Dog/Pets” cards out there. She probably found it while looking for a card for her own dad. Whether she was pranking him or just thought it’d be cute depends on her personality.

That’s sweet actually. It’s like she’s saying, “I don’t need to pressure you for grandkids, I’m happy with grandkitties. I’m proud you’re a good Cat Dad.”

Oh anything that’s not completely selfish for the people who already have all the privileges qualifies as “woke” to them.

I agree it’s just basic common sense and humanity.

But then I felt compelled to point out you can’t rely on it for safety, because pedestrian deaths are high and on the rise.

Yes. Even in places where they could get a ticket for jaywalking, cars are supposed to yield and let them mosey/stagger/traipse etc.

This fact will not actually stop a moving vehicle, however. Neither will the painted lines of a crosswalk. So make use of your larger visual field and look out for distracted drivers, e.g. all of them.

Tarantino IS a muppet.

Raising Arizona?

Alternatively, which muppet would make the best Nic Cage?

Oh come on, Miss Piggy would be great in that role!

But Cookie would be so good in the role!

Dual casting ftw!

Guess you’ll have to bring fresh-baked cookies to work then, for cover. And also sharing. Pro tip: make them large, then break a few in half, depending on the gender splits in your workplace. Women who would like a cookie but feel guilty because of norms about dieting will happily take a half. Or maybe break off a quarter. But they won’t break one if none are already broken. Most men will enjoy taking a whole one because diet norms don’t apply to them. A few people will enjoy virtuously refusing them because vegan or keto or something. Nobody will notice you smell like vanilla.

If you’re not a baker, or you have a friend with celiac, Rice Krispy Bars also have vanilla and are gluten free.

Original? You smell like my dad. I’m 65. Still a great scent though. As a little girl I’d dab it behind my ears for perfume.

You guys don’t get it. Those products smell like that to appeal to women. If anyone even notices you smell like a woman, the obvious inference is that you have a girlfriend. Or at least spent the night with a woman. If it’s dilute enough to not really be noticeable, women will just find it appealing. Vanilla in particular is non-gendered, what you smelled like was a cookie!

She’s frantically busy saving/trying to save lives as a doctor in the same hospital, one of very few still running.

Iirc, it’s the same hospital his mom, who is also a doctor, works at. So they have each other at least.

I got that, you started your comments in direct reference to OP’s post. I just figured, since people replied to you with comments about the Guardian (which has since revised their headline 3 times btw) you might want to know where that was coming from.

The BBC headline right now is even worse: “Israel denies firing at civilians after Hamas-run ministry says 31 killed in Gaza aide centre attack.” I’m typing it out myself because it keeps changing every update.

“At least 26 killed amid Israeli tank fire near Gaza aid centre, rescuers say”

is the updated version, which I read as some may have died in the crush to escape or by falling or something during the slaughter and mayhem.

Which is typical media style to avoid expensive lawsuits.

Both the IDF and the “aid agency” claim NOTHING HAPPENED, while the doctors at the hospital say all fatal injuries are gunshots.

I’m not sure if they have any of their own people onsite, given that Israel isn’t allowing it and has killed many journalists.

Oh because OP cited it (with image) in their comments explaining why they chose the one they did

Hope it clears up quickly, poor thing!