but if some random person pinches me I am very likely to react by punching them. I hate being touched by people I don’t know. Holiday be damned.

Same here. I’ve done this a few times, the strangest was when punched a clown. A little backstory, the clown was on a Halloween, but it was a lot like the meme where the kid punched someone jumping out of a trash can. Except I screamed, I hate clowns.